Giving Away Your Power: What It Really Means and How to Reclaim It

We often hear the phrase “don’t give your power away” in spiritual and self-development spaces—but what does this actually mean? Beyond the surface, giving away your power often happens unconsciously through a false view: that in order to receive approval, safety, love, belonging or to be seen as worthy, we need to abandon our inner truth. At its root, it is a karmic pattern of self-abandonment —a moment when we trade authenticity for the appearance of connection.

Through insight, we grow to understand that true connection can never be experienced when we exclude parts of ourselves in order to meet another. This article explores how and why we give our power away, and what it means to reclaim it—not with force, but with awareness, compassion, and wisdom of its deeper origins. 

Self Abandonment as the Root of all Power Imbalances

Giving your power away means abandoning your inner authority—abandoning your sense of what is right and true. Usually this happens when your choices, emotions, or sense of self-worth become dependent on something or someone outside of you. This often happens subtly and unconsciously, especially when past pain or fear is still shaping how you relate to others.

At the heart of all unresolved karma is a deeper spiritual confusion: a forgetting of our true nature, and the consequent grasping at false sources of security that we believe will fill in gaps of the missing parts of self. 

In the Buddhist view, this is the root of delusion—moha—the ignorance that drives us to seek power, influence, or love through strategies rooted in fear rather than wisdom. We chase control, approval, or attachment not because we are flawed, but because we have mistaken the obtaining of these things as the path to  wholeness. 

Out of this misunderstanding, we attempt to secure ourselves through any number or strategies, not realizing that we are only perpetuating suffering because our actions are born out of a mistaken identity that believes it must struggle to survive. 

In truth, real power is never about domination or defense; it is the natural radiance of a mind rooted in compassion, equanimity, and right view. Healing, then, is not about fixing the self, but uncovering higher insight into the true nature of wholeness. 

It is the sacred turning of the Wheel of Samsara,  we bring mindfulness to these inherited patterns and begin to make space for a different kind of relationship—not one built on karmic repetition, but on conscious liberation.

To set boundaries as an act of compassion.

To remain present without abandoning ourselves,

and to love without grasping or possessing.

These become the rituals on the path that awakens the true nature of power.

If we are to let go of false attempts at gaining power, we first must get to know how we may be employing them in our lives.

Here are some common ways people give their power away:

1. Seeking External Validation Over Inner Truth

Relying on others to confirm your worth, beauty, success, or likability—rather than cultivating a steady relationship with your own values and truth.

Example: Silencing your true feelings to keep the peace, or molding yourself to be liked rather than being authentic.

2. Over-Giving to Receive Love

When you give more than you truly have, hoping it will secure love, loyalty, or a sense of belonging. This often stems from a core wound of “not enough” or “love must be earned.”

Example: Putting everyone else’s needs before your own until you're depleted, hoping someone will finally notice and care.

3. Letting Fear Make Your Decisions

Allowing fear of rejection, abandonment, or conflict to dictate your choices. You may not speak up, take risks, or say no because it feels unsafe.

Example: Staying in a job, relationship, or identity that no longer fits, just to avoid disappointing others.

4. Not Trusting Your Intuition

Second-guessing yourself and deferring to others’ opinions, even when your gut knows something different. This often arises when the inner voice was once dismissed or punished.

Example: Ignoring red flags or overriding your boundaries because someone else "seems to know better."

⚖️ 5. Staying in Power Imbalances

When you stay connected to someone or something that diminishes you—out of guilt, obligation, or emotional dependency—you give away your right to choose something healthier.

Example: Continuing to engage with manipulative or emotionally unavailable people, hoping your love will change them.

🕯 How to Begin Reclaiming Your Power

• Name what you feel. Honesty with yourself is the first act of self-loyalty.

• Pause before reacting. Ask: Am I acting from fear, or from self-respect?

• Practice boundaries. Saying no is a sacred yes to your deeper self.

• Validate your own experience. You don’t need permission to trust your truth.

• Forgive the part of you that gave it away. That part was just trying to survive.

  
  

✨ Contemplation Questions: Reclaiming Inner Authority

• In what moments do I feel myself shrinking, appeasing, or hesitating to speak my truth? What am I afraid might happen if I fully show up?

  
  

• Do I believe I need to be needed, approved of, or chosen in order to feel safe? Where did I learn that?

  
  

• When I say “yes” but mean “no,” what part of me am I betraying? And what part of me am I trying to protect?

  
  

• Have I confused love with performance? Do I believe I must earn connection through effort, pleasing, or perfection?

  
  

• Where in my life am I still waiting for external permission to feel worthy, powerful, or free?

  
  

• In what relationships do I feel subtly controlled, indebted, or drained? What boundaries am I afraid to set?

  
  

• What does true power mean to me—not power over others, but power with integrity and compassion?

  
  

• How would I live if I deeply trusted that I don’t have to abandon myself to be loved?

  
  

• When have I mistaken compliance or silence for peace? And what would a deeper peace—rooted in truth—look like?

  
  

• What would it mean to stay with myself, especially in moments when I most want to leave?

To reclaim your power is not to become hard or distant—but to return home to yourself. To remember that you are not here to prove, chase, or control love—but to be rooted in your own centre, and let love meet you there.

Did you know that when you share the Dharma with others, it becomes a blessing? If you know someone who can benefit from these teachings, please share the fruits of clarity with others 🙏🏻